The Feeling of Being Behind

Wow, already the first month in Bali and I’ve moved twice. Tomorrow will be the third time.
In Bali, I see all these people creating something. They inspire me, and at the same time, I also feel pressure.
Questions like “Am I on the right path? Do I need to do more?” or “Why am I not at the point where others are?” come up.

But what is the “right path”?
And what exactly is “the point of others”?

When we see people working on their projects, we don’t know what they are sacrificing for it.
We don’t know how their start into this new project was, we don’t know what kind of financial or emotional pressure they had or still have.
We don’t know if they are connected to themselves and have access to their inner world or if they are constantly so stressed that they’re just running in circles.
We don’t know how they nurture their relationships with their surroundings, whether they are deep or maybe just superficial.
Most of the time, we know nothing or only a very small part of their life, and yet we seem to believe that we want to be at “that point” too.
Or at least I catch myself wishing for that sometimes.

And yet, I also know that this pressure I feel is a sign of my own insecurity, or maybe also the wish to create something as well.
To move something.
But not out of fear of not being enough otherwise, but from the overflow that I want to share from my already full cup.

When I notice these insecurities, which usually happens when I spend too much time on Instagram or at too crowded (in my view crowded) places where it seems like everyone is hustling, I know that this is again an invitation from life to return to my trust and to surrender to the flow of life.

I am allowed to create, but I am also allowed to do this in silence.
I am allowed to feel that others are far ahead, but I am also allowed to come back to myself and be proud of what I have already achieved and created in my life.

And sometimes — or most of the time — it’s not the big projects that change the world, but the quiet moments.
The gentle smile we give to the waitress, the active listening when a friend tells us their story, or the presence we radiate when we enter a room.

All these are things that, I believe, we have forgotten.
Being creative, working, creating something, and dreaming big is good,
but being present while doing it, being fully with ourselves with everything that is — with the beauty and the pain —
that is true art.
And that is what changes the world.